sweetcandygirl | Pet Food, cupcakes and getting to know each other

Well, that's a surprise. Megatron stares at the message in his HUD for a moment and then grins.

That's really kind of you, Harley, and I'm sure it will go to good use around here. Thank you. Do you want me to come over and get it? Mrs Hedgeworthy's here, so it'll be all right if I come out for a bit, but I need your coordinates.

Spitfire is tucked between his helmet and his collar faring again, purring loud enough to wake a dead cybercat.

Edited (where did all that white space come from) 2021-06-12 00:46 (UTC)

Sure. I am not far from where Mrs Hedgeworthy is, so if she needs assistance, she can just call out and you would hear

The PINpoint address she sends over is surprisingly only a little walk from the main house. It technically is still on the property. Where a treehouse is being built. And Harley is currently hanging out in a hammock right now.

That really isn't far away at all. Megatron goes to tell Mrs Hedgeworthy to call out for him if she needs him and walks to the coordinates.

The tree house is ... unfinished. "You're not going to wait till it's done to move in? What if it rains?"

Bruce and Mightyena were laying down beside one of the trees that held the hammock. Bruce perked an ear at Megatron's approach, and sniffed the air.

Harley was wearing a spring flavored dress. And a pair of sunglasses, which she lowered from her eyes to respond to him.

"Silly." Harley grins at him. "I am only here for a little sunbathe today."

"But I thought you would also like to see the future home of my new place."

"Hello, Bruce." Megatron looks up at the tree thoughtfully. "It's nice."

Spitfire wakes up, realises that she is Outside, and flies up into the tree.

Megatron groans softly. He doesn't think that he can climb that tree without breaking it. "Do you think she'll be able to get down on her own?"

With Spitfire flying up into the tree, Bruce heads over to Megatron and butts a hyena head at his thigh. Giving a slight laugh in greeting.

Harley glances up at the branch that Spitfire has claimed.

"You could give her a chance to figure it out. And if not... if I use that branch, then that one, and then that one... I can get up to her easily." She points at a few different branches that are slightly lower.

Megatron leans over and watches Bruce for a moment, before reaching down to stroke his ears. Cats--organic and mechanoid alike--always did like that. He hoped a hyena would, too. "All right. She flew up there. She ought to be able to fly back down." He sat down at the base of the tree, beckoning Bruce over if he chose to come along. This was awkward now. They'd managed to only have one awkward moment during their last conversation, and she'd done him an unexpected favour. And she definitely seemed to be in a good mood. He hoped it would last.

"I'm overprotective," he said, glancing up at the winged kitten sheepishly. "I know."

Bruce's head tilted in pleasure at the stroke to his ears. And then padded over to Megatron, to sit by him, and gave another hyena laugh. Before settling down beside the other for a moment.

Mightyena quirked an ear and stayed in his resting spot.

"Nothing wrong with being overprotective. But I worry..." Harley moves to sit crosslegged in the hammock to face him. And thinks over what she wants to say, worried that he might take it the wrong way.

"There is an unfortunate side-effect to being overprotective. Which is you can unfairly blame yourself for life happening... because you were not there to protect the person or creature that you were wanting to protect."

"It is difficult to protect everyone. It can be overwhelming."

Edited 2021-06-12 02:05 (UTC)

Megatron nods at Mightyena; he hadn't meant to ignore the other being, but he didn't know what the Pokemon wanted. "You can sit with us too, Mightyena," he says, not sure if Mightyena understands him, as he continues to pet Bruce.

Then he looks back at Harley. "Don't I know it. I used to have both Soundwave's job and Ravage's too. Back when he was my third-in-command and she was his...personal assistant. I was responsible back then for all the Decepticons. And frankly, I wasn't very responsible about it." He shrugs.

"Fortunately I've only promised protection to a limited number of beings, now that I'm not the Lord of the Decepticons any more...and once I am no longer Co-Captain of the Lost Light, I'll have only family, lovers and people in concord to be concerned about."

Edited 2021-06-12 02:21 (UTC)

With a strong 'Mightyena' bark in response, that he heard the invitation, the Pokémon in question nodded to the little leaf bed he had made. Mightyena is content for now, but he appreciates the offer.

Harley tilted her head, noticing the pause before the 'personal assistant' wording. "Did you just use that word, because it would be something familiar to me?" She grins.

"That can still be a lot of people. You have a big heart. And that is great... Megatron. But I fear you might be overwhelmed thinking that the responsibility of protection is only yours. It doesn't have to be."

"The truth is there's not a word for what Ravage used to do for us. Unless you want to use the words 'everything we needed, more than we deserved, and far too much for her own good'." Megatron smiles wryly.

"I love her, too, and yes, Loki knows that. But she doesn't want to be with me that way anymore, and I understand that. I did some things I'm lucky she forgave me for...and we did some things, together, that I think we both regret."

He looks over at Harley. "I don't think the responsibility of protection is mine alone. But I also don't know who else feels responsible for the protection of those in my concord, nor do I know which people they consider their own and which they do not."

Edited (ACK! Punctuation!) 2021-06-12 02:42 (UTC)

"I would have liked to hear the words 'everything we needed, more than we deserved, and far too much for her own good'. It would give me more of a description and knowledge of Ravage."

Harley blinks at him for a moment. "Love is a beautiful thing Megatron. I am glad to hear that you have had it before, with others."

"Would you accept someone else wanting to help you protect those in your concord?"

Megatron smiles fondly. "Ravage is a lovely person. I hope the two of you can be friends someday. She's very, very protective of Soundwave, though. She met him when he was unwell, and saved his life. I had the impression you might have upset her a bit at the Embassy. I'm not nearly as overprotective as she is."

His expression warms at Harley's question. "Yes, of course I would accept such help, at least for the ones who are also in theirs. I would welcome it!"

He leans back against the tree, still petting Bruce. "Do you know what 'concordia' means, though? When I first met you, I tried to explain all of this and I didn't do a very good job of it. People who care for each other, especially those in formalised relationships, are also in relationship with the other people who are in relationship with both of them. For instance, both you and I are concerned with the welfare of Loki's children, even though neither of us is their parent."

"There are times when people get upset at me, because of things I say. Or actions I do. If she is willing to make amends, should I take the first step? Or give her the chance first?" Harley asks lightly.

"I hope you know that I am there to protect Loki. And the children. That I am there to help you in that."

"I am trying to understand it." Harley tells him.

"I'll ask her what she wants, if you want to make amends with her." Megatron smiles. "Soundwave's powers are passive; he can't turn them off. He does his best to control them, and I want to make sure that you have the missing piece with respect to her protectiveness. Which is that they were the reason he almost died."

He nods. "That's what I was trying to tell you in the very beginning when I told you that I would protect you, as well as the children, whether we even liked one another. I made a promise to Loki that I would respect--and protect, if needed--both you and Ian, and his brother Thor, as well--before I ever met any of you--and that even if you attacked me, I'd only defend myself using the least amount of force. This came up when we were talking about Thor. It was Thor he thought I might have trouble getting along with. But so far I haven't."

He shrugs. "But I don't think that you need protection all the time. Only that everyone does sometimes, and that because I love Loki, and he loves you, I'd protect you in order to protect his heart. That's what concordia means. Treating other people well, protecting and respecting them, whether you know or like them or not, because you recognise that their welfare is entangled with the welfare of the people you love. So I absolutely will accept your help in protecting Loki and the children, and I am very glad that you have confirmed I would have it. We both know that Loki is very powerful. I think we also both know he's exquisitely vulnerable."

"Okay." Harley leans to hold her ankles with her hands. "There are things that I can't turn off either. And a lot of people who don't see the missing pieces."

"I don't know what to say... about being the one you are having trouble with."

Harley takes a moment. And speaks softly. "I have not felt any respect from you, Megatron. And perhaps that is because of me... of how hard it was for me... to struggle with the kind of relationship I had, before meeting Loki."

"I do not want to see Loki crumble to any vulnerability. I worry about that."

"I'm sorry." Megatron frowns. "I respect your strength. You've been through a lot and survived. I respect your place in Loki's heart. I respect your determination to heal yourself. And I respect you for making sure you got the revenge you deserved. I respect your kindness, and your loyalty to your crew. I respect your care for the children. I certainly respect you as a warrior, and if you will be my ally in protecting our family, I will be grateful for that."

He holds out his hand to her.

"I don't understand you, and sometimes...you frighten me. I'm still trying, though. And so are you."

Edited (decepticonography) 2021-06-12 04:20 (UTC)

She looks at his outstretched hand. And blinks away a tear in her eye.

She takes his hand after a moment. "Why? Why do I frighten you?"

Edited 2021-06-12 04:31 (UTC)

"Because there are a lot of times when you tell me that you are fine, and your electromagnetic field, and the way you move, doesn't seem fine. I had a lover who used to pull his field in, say he was fine while he was pacing the floor like a caged mechanimal, juggle things like he wanted to throw them through windows...and everything was always 'fine', until it wasn't."

Megatron looks at their joined hands.

"I...I don't want to talk about Starscream," he suddenly says. "We were terrible people back then and we made each other a lot worse. I'm sure he'd tell you I'm no better than your ex."

Edited (decepticonography (icon for Starscream not Harley)) 2021-06-12 05:10 (UTC)

"I tried to explain to you... with my gymnastic training, and tendencies… I move a lot. And my movements do not necessary relate to my emotional state."

"Sometimes when the Joker Toxin is active, they do. But that is never anger."

Harley sighs. "I know how it feels to remember a terrible person, and the way they were, and the way that they treated you. But you would not want me judging you or Loki based on how I remember Joker treating me."

"I wish you wouldn't think I am deceiving you about my emotional state, because it is not fair to me. I felt fine... and then you kept pressing me and telling me that I should be upset."

"Joker... Joker would always tell me that I should behave a certain way. And when I didn't... I got hurt. And so when you kept pressing me to be upset... I switched to being upset. So you wouldn't be mad at me anymore."

"Judgement implies conscious thought processes," Megatron says wryly. "I don't sit there, listen to what you say, and think 'that sounds just like something Starscream used to say, and therefore Harley is going to treat me--or worse, treat Loki--the way Starscream treats people.'"

He closes his optics for a moment. "No. No, what happens is that you're giving off signals that seem like warning signals to me, and then you say something, and suddenly I feel that everything else in the world has gone silent, and the air is sharp, and I don't want to say anything else; I just want to leave. Then three weeks later I'm sitting under a tree with you, and then I make the association."

The kitten, suddenly, flutters down onto his shoulder. Megatron laughs. "Hello there, Spitfire."

Spitfire folds her wings up neatly and tucks herself into a loaf, purring.

"The other thing," Megatron says, "that is a misunderstanding. I remember the first time that I met you, I was very puzzled, because you kept asking me why I thought you were upset. I actually didn't think that at all, at first. What I said, or at least what I was trying to say, was that I'd understand it if you were, because we did a terrible job of planning this. Loki and I had just been through two different varieties of hell and we met outside of the Nexus. Everything happened so fast that there wasn't time for all the introductions and explanations that should have happened before we bonded. There were reasons for that and I don't regret it a bit, but it still wasn't fair to you, and sometimes it really bothers me that I haven't met Ian yet."

"I can not always have conscious thought. As the abuse of my past does affect me. And can still dictate my actions. It is part of my weakness."

"What signals are those that I am giving? I will stop doing them around you. Since it unsettles you."

Harley folds her hands into her lap. "No it wasn't fair. But honestly what do you expect me to do about the situation? What would make things any better to be upset over it?"

"Are you saying you understand what I meant about not having conscious thoughts?" If Harley lets him, Megatron sets their joined hands down on his knee; he's getting tired of holding his arm up.

"I don't think any of this makes us weak. We've survived abuse and at least in my case I've also committed it; Starscream nearly killed me a couple of times, but then I got done taking it and by the end I'd hurt him a lot more than he ever hurt me, but I've stopped and I know I will never do it again. If we were weak we'd be dead, Harley."

He shakes his head. "I understand the need to move to burn off energy. Una does that. Ravage does that. But sometimes there's an edge to the way you move, like a cat lashing its tail. When you tell me everything's fine, and you look like that, I feel that you are not safe. If you're doing it because of the Joker Toxin, please just say that when I ask you what's wrong. And I don't believe that you weren't having some type of negative feeling when you kept asking me how many people had seen me with Loki, how many places we'd been together, behaving like lovers because we are? If you've got a problem with the word 'anger', what was that?"

"That is up to you to decide if you think I understand. Really. Because I do not want to say I do... and then be hurt when my understanding is not what you had expected." Harley tells him.

"I have learned that to accept weakness is one way of understanding them and gaining strength. I am more than willing to admit to mine. I have to say it... to gain any understanding of it."

"I am a human. I have weaknesses. Some that will never go away."

"You have to understand... I do not really know when the Joker Toxin is affecting me. How can I be expected to tell you it is the Joker Toxin? It is like asking someone with a nervous tick to tell you that it is a nervous tick every time their hand shakes. It just happens."

"I can change my behaviours around you to do not those ticks. But then I am not being myself around you. I am masking myself to the ideal that would make you happy." Harley honestly tells him.

She takes a long moment when he asks her that last question. And reflects on some of the things she has learned about herself in the last few months.

"I feel abandoned Megatron. I feel that you are stealing him away from me. That you are stealing his affection. That all those people knowing about you and him being lovers means that no one is aware of me. No one cares about me. And it does not matter that I am part of his life..."

"It is nothing about your affections for him. Or you loving him."

"It is my disappointment in myself. I feel like I have no purpose anymore."

"Thank you for telling me that."

Megatron strokes Bruce's ears with his free hand.

"I think that if I know what's bothering you, I can handle your behaviours, and if I can't, I can walk away and come back when I can. We can be friends, that way, if you still want to be after what I say next. And regardless of that, we can still be allies in protecting the people we love."

Still holding her hand, he slumps against the tree a bit.

"You're not wrong about Loki and me," he says, very simply. "But you are wrong about other people, because a lot of other people have told me they care about you, and asked that I be kind to you. Cricket's only the first one that comes to my mind. There have been others. No-one has ever told me to be kind to Ian, or said that they were worried about Ian, because of me. They worry about you.

"And you're wrong about not having a purpose. Your purpose can't be something someone else does, like Loki loving you more than anyone else. Your purpose is something you have to do. My purpose was not to love Loki, that's just something I got really lucky about. My purpose was to break the hold of Functionism on the Cybertronian Empire, and then--apparently--to fuck everything up throughout most of a galaxy, when I should have abdicated long ago and put Soundwave in charge. I'm slag at being a ruler.

"The other thing about purposes is you get more than one. I fulfilled that purpose, so now I have to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Right now what I want to do most is have and raise a family, and also to teach. After that, I may want to do something else."

Megatron sighs.

"I don't believe that people or their emotions are anyone's property, so I don't like the word 'stealing'. But in the end, eventually, I will be with him and you won't, because I'm going to outlive you, unless someone kills me. And it is also true that he and I are close in ways that humans can't be close.

"But he still loves you. I cannot honestly tell you that I think he loves you as much as me, or the same way he loves me. For one thing, I am not him. But I know that he loves you so much that he can't bear even the idea of losing you, and he knows he has a limited time to be with you in.

"When I asked to court him, I asked for a place in his life. Neither of us knew that we were going to spark-bond. Neither of us knew that we would end up becoming conjunx endurae, in fact, if not in law or in name. But after I began to court him, we realised that we were spontaneously talking about the future we intended to make together, and my bringing the beach house here won't change that. I won't spend nearly as much time there as I will spend here.

"This is why I told you I would understand if you were upset. Being upset might not change anything, but pretending that you're not upset will hurt us all, and that will make everything worse."

Megatron looks up at the sky, afraid to meet her eyes for a moment. There are tears running out of his optics, in spite of his self-control. "I love him and you love him. He won't be happy without either of us. He's going to be miserable enough when you die. Please...please work with me, for all of our happiness. But if you really need to be someone's one and only spouse, if you really want the wedding and the household for yourself, then you would not be wrong to look for that with someone else. I don't want you to go. He'll be furious with me if you do. But what we want, what Loki wants, what I want--none of that should matter to you as much as what you want."

Edited 2021-06-12 21:57 (UTC)

"I feel like I have to be someone else around you. So I do not bother you."

Harley listens to everything he says, and thinks careful to herself. "People who care about me... do so because of the relationships I created with them before Loki came into my life. They are ones who have also asked Loki to be kind to me. They know of what I faced before. How I was hurt before."

"I am glad that you have been there with Loki to meet those people."

"I should also be allowed to have the purpose to figuring out the rest of my life, now that I have completed a lot that I had wanted to complete. Are you going to be mad and upset at me, if I say that I have thought about having a family. A future?"

"Okay. That statement of you outliving me, and being with him, and being close to him in a way that I can never do... just puts more weight on me feeling like I am not enough. That I was never enough. That is why he needed someone else. That is why he is so happy now, that he found that someone else."

"I am glad that you two are spark bond. That you found each other. That you can give each other a future. That you can spend time together."

"I am not upset at either you or Loki. It has nothing to do with you."

"I just hate myself." Harley whispers. "I was not enough."

"Loki knows this. When he spoke to me, he saw this. And perhaps I have been so closed off to you... it was difficult for you to understand. But none of this had anything about you."

"I never said I wanted a wedding. Nor the household for myself. It is not my household. And I should be allowed the freedom to choose not to look for anyone else right now."

Harley stares at her hands for a long time. "Maybe it would be better for everyone if I just stepped away. Took time for myself. To heal my pain. I hate being seen as the bad person. The reason why it is not working for you and him to find happiness. I do not want to hold you back anymore."

Edited 2021-06-12 22:37 (UTC)

"You can do that," Megatron says, "or you can decide that what was enough for you before I came along still is. You are not the 'bad person' here. There isn't one. He loves you. He doesn't have a problem with anything you've done. However, I did have a problem with you being agitated and vague and telling me everything was just fine, or telling me that you were just fine till I made you be angry."

Megatron ex-vents.

Megatron shrugs. "I'm still with Soundwave. He's still with Ian. There is no such thing as enough! I am not enough for him either! We are not like you! You didn't fail at being enough because I'm a robot who's not going to die of old age! You didn't fail at being enough because I have a spark and you don't! It isn't possible to be enough for either of us, Harley!"

Megatron swallows.

"Frag. That's why you had so much trouble with Soundwave. Because you thought I was the 'enough' in this equation, so he ought to be 'enough' for me. Am I wrong?"

"I had no reason to trust you Megatron. I had no reason to confide in you."

She flinches when he yells. And her eyes go distant. All this time he was afraid of her exploding on him. Right now, she just stares past him.

"I never thought that. I am sorry. I am just so sorry..." She folds her knees to her chest. "I won't do it again. I won't do it again."

Edited 2021-06-12 23:20 (UTC)

"I'm sorry I raised my voice," Megatron says. "And I'm sorry that it hurt you..."

Megatron was never afraid of Harley yelling at him. He can deal with raised voices. Megatron and Soundwave can yell at each other--hell, Soundwave can yell in his head--but yelling never killed anyone.

Harley mentioned the bat, the time she really scared him.

It's unlikely that the bat would hurt him.

But if she wanted to hurt him, there are things that would do it.

And if he had to defend himself...there was no way that would've gone well.

"If you are going to, um, dissociate, I'm not going to leave you out here alone."

He is frankly surprised that neither of the hyenas has attacked him.

He wonders what that means.

Edited 2021-06-12 23:24 (UTC)

Harley has a lot of Bravado usually. She uses it as a way to protect herself.

"Just tell me what you want me to do." Her voice is quiet. Unfortunately, with the yelling, and being told that what she was expressing as her feelings was wrong in his opinion, and he had a problem with her and that it was upsetting him... Harley was reminded of past trauma. And can not respond to him any other way right now, but to placate him.

Edited 2021-06-12 23:34 (UTC)

Megatron sighs. "I don't know."

He knows what he'd do if she were a Seeker; he'd jolt her in the hip joint and reset her tarnic registry, and then she'd probably punch him, but he's taken an honest punch from Soundwave and he'd take one from Harley, too; it's the knife in the back that'll get him someday he's afraid of.

While he considers his opinions, Mightyena lifts up from his spot where he was lying, and saunters over to jump into the hammock... and lie down in Harley's lap. Her hands automatically start petting him, as Mightyena settles down.

Bruce nudges Megatron's leg, with a laughing-whimper. Looking up at him for direction.

Megatron smiles down at the hyena. "Do you want to sit here with me, or do you want to go sit with your mama?" He strokes Bruce's ears. If the hyena is worried about Harley then Megatron won't be offended if he chooses to join her.

If Bruce is not worried about Harley, that probably is data.

Spitfire has been fairly calm except for when Megatron raised his voice.

At that point she jumped up on top of his bucket helm and held out her wings to make herself look bigger, and looked sternly at everything and everyone, trying to figure out why her robot was so frustrated.

Because that is her robot. Although she doesn't mind sharing with Loki.

Megatron and Bruce sit in silence, for a long time. While Harley also sits in silence, petting Mightyena for a long time.

After several minutes of quiet, Harley finally speaks. Her eyes glance over to Megatron, signalling that she is able to focus on him again.

"What I had before you came along has changed, Megatron." She answers what he had expressed before. "We need to adapt to what has changed, and make it work."

"I am sorry you thought that what I had said... meant that I thought something about you and Soundwave. Everyone deserves to have people who love them and support them. It is good that you have that with Loki. With Soundwave. With whoever else finds a place in your heart."

"It would be nice... to not be reminded of my limited time with Loki. It would be nice... for you to accept that for me, having an intimate relationship with just Loki is enough for me. That he is the only one in my heart."

"That I can embrace and accept the fact that he loves you. And that he loves Ian. And that you love Loki. And that you love Soundwave. I never wanted you to think I was judging you. And I am sorry if you felt judged."

"It comes from the fact that I am still working on myself. Loki has accepted my broken self. And that is why I love him so much."

"I do not want you to feel upset anymore Megatron. I am sorry. What can I do?"

Megatron sighs. "I'm sorry, too." He holds his hand out to her again.

"When you told me how you felt, I wanted you to know you weren't crazy, but also that it wasn't as bad as you thought. We don't have to talk about it again. It's out in the open. That was all that I wanted. To know that I wasn't crazy."

He leans back into the tree. "Well. Maybe a better word is delusional. We have both fallen to madness, but we're not staying down."

Then he shrugs. "I did feel hurt about Soundwave. You don't know me well enough to know this but here it is. I've done enough terrible things to deserve my sentence in a lot of people's eyes, including for a while my own, but I've never, not once in my entire life, cheated on anyone. Not even when I tried to run off with Ravage. He sent her out to where I was to do a job and she didn't come back for a year. It wasn't exactly or even anything like a secret."

"Sorry to disagree. But I am crazy. I am delusional. And I need to face those parts of myself to be stronger."

"I heard you imply that what I thought was describing my feelings … that you felt it was wrong. That I should just 'decide' to act a different way. And if that is truly what you expect of me... I can do that. I can be a fake person around you Megatron. Be the person you need me to be."

"But I would never be the real Harley to you."

"Not when I am too afraid of being yelled at... or blamed... for things that you think I am saying. Or that I can not be in the slightest way agitated about anything, or vague to you, because then I am a problem to you. But it does not seem that you want to hear how I have been hurt by you."

"I am sorry you felt hurt. I am sorry I didn't know you well enough. I am sorry that based off other terrible things other terrible people did to you... that I am never going to be able to be honest with you. I am sorry that I have to hold back. I am sorry you felt that I thought you were cheating on Loki."

"Did I not just two minutes ago thank you for dropping the act and admitting that you felt hurt and unhappy and why? And did I not then tell you that I thought we wouldn't have any more problems now that you and I both knew where the other one was coming from?"

Megatron slides down the tree a little, though he's careful not to disturb Bruce. "What you just said is the exact opposite of what I just said. You don't have to be fake anymore at all. You can stalk around like an angry cat whenever you feel like it, because I'm no longer wondering where we stand. You said true things. I said true things. It was unpleasant. But we can move forward. Is that not how this works?"

"Oh." Harley blinks at him. "You have not realized. I am sorry."

"I should be honest then. I have been using a calmer persona this whole time. This is not Harley Quinn. It is not the Harlequin that Loki loves and accepts."

"I am Harleen right now. So I will continue to be her, around you."

"What," says Megatron. "That is absolutely not what I was asking for. This is..."

Megatron does not have a word for what this is.

"The person Loki loves is the one I need to have an alliance with. Are you telling me that there is more than one person in there? Do we need a religious official of some sort?"

"You thanked me for dropping an act."

"Something Thor told me recently should be said now... 'You'd are pledging to Loki, not his other lovers'... why do you feel like you need to have an alliance with me?"

"I'm a fragging idealist. I wrote a book, a book of philosophy and ethics and rebellion, but my revolution fell apart into an excess of violence and ruin. My beautiful ex-lover, who did whatever we needed, more than we deserved, and far more than was good for her is turning it around. She showed me where the flaws in my model were, and I accepted her teachings on the nature of community and relationships," Megatron says quietly.

"Her teaching is that the people who love the other people we love are our natural allies and that this web of relationships, not a law code or a religion or an economic system, are the true basis of sapient community. I believe her."

Megatron shrugs. "If you don't want this, fine. The other thing I wanted was for us to be honest with each other. If you can't stand the sight of me because I ruined things for you, because you had hopes you hadn't aired yet and I just blurted out what I wanted like the Tarnish brute I am, and he said yes, I understand, and we don't have to spend any time together.

"But if you think you can get past that situation and move forward, then I need you to be honest with me. If you don't want to tell me how you're feeling because it's none of my fragging business, you can say so. I would rather hear that than hear that you're fine when you're not. If you don't know how you're feeling, I would accept that too. The only damned thing I ever wanted you to change was to stop saying you were fine when I knew something was wrong."

"That sounds wonderful. I am glad that she is able to take the philosophy and ethics that you had in a model, and expand on them." Harley tells him.

"The thing about webs is that sometimes at the very far outstretches, you have these two points that might be connected... but they are still very far and distant from each other."

"We can be connected through that outstretched thread, Megatron."

"And by our support and love, the point in the web that we are connected to... Loki... will be stronger because of it."

"I do not feel like I am in a good mental place to spend a lot of time with you. I need to focus on myself. And focus on my love for Loki. So I am glad to hear that you would support that... that you and I do not have to spend a lot of time together."

"But I want you to know that I do support what you have with Loki."

"I never said that I can not stand the sight of you." Her voice is concerned. "Or that you ruined things for me."

Edited 2021-06-13 03:38 (UTC)

Megatron smiled, wryly and a little sadly, because he could imagine exactly what Ravage would think of Harley's example. Ravage's idea of a distant thread in the wab was something along the lines of 'your conjunx's amica's mentor's colleague on Velocitron', not 'your conjunx's other lover', and her stance on connections that distant was that it was generally a good idea to be decent to everyone else, because you never knew how closely you might be connected to someone you had never met before.

He was not about to try and explain that. He just nodded.

"Perhaps it was hyperbolic of me to phrase things the way that I did, but the important part of this is that no, we don't have to be best friends. I already have an amica. We don't even have to like one another. You don't have to do me favours--I'll pay you for the cat food, if you want--though I think we have to be kind to each other when we have to attend functions together. All I ask is honest answers to my questions--even if that answer is 'none of your business, Megatron.'"

He shrugged.

"It would also be nice to know that whether or not we like one another, I could call on you in a pinch, and you me, because we care enough about him and the children not to want to see them deprived of either of us. But don't offer that unless you actually think you can do it."

Megatron should have spoken his thoughts to her. Been honest in wanting to explain. After all, Ravage will have her own thoughts and opinions on the model that she is working on. And Harley is free to have her own thoughts and opinions on what it means to her. Neither person is wrong to have a different opinion.

"I have no need for money, Megatron. I thought of you and Spitfire when I picked up the cat food. I do not need to be paid for it." She thought she was doing good by him. Being kind. Being decent.

"How about I say... I do not feel comfortable answering this question... instead of saying none of your business. That just sounds rude to me."

"Of course you could call me. If you thought I could help."

"Of course, you should use the words you prefer." Megatron shrugs. "Do talk to Ravage, on your own. If you want. She can explain a lot of things better than I can."

He's not even making sense, he strongly suspects.

Still. The odds are that he has at least forty or fifty years, probably more, in which things could get better. Maybe in another year, or another ten years, they'll be able to talk, and Harley won't feel like she has to pretend to be someone else just because he doesn't want her to tell him she's fine when she's not

It's his own lifespan he really needs to be worried about. He's got to keep going back until he manages to deal with Tarn, and dealing with Tarn could cost him his life. If Tarn takes him out he'll want her and Ian to be there, to take care of Loki, unless he turns out to be one of those people who comes right back here when he dies.

It's a mess, his life.

Rodimus and Minimus are going to be so hurt when he leaves. Rodimus was hurt badly enough when Ravage left, and yet he cannot shake the horrifying chill that came over him the night Tailgate banged on his door, or what Tailgate actually wanted with him when he was deep in recharge. During that long defragmentation cycle, he dreamed of needles in his brain, and Tarn throwing pieces of Ravage's broken body away like garbage. If Ravage leaving saved her life, then maybe his leaving will somehow save Rodimus and Minimus; he doesn't know.

"It's starting to get dark. I should probably go back."

It is a shame that he holds so much back from her. And yet expects her to always be honest to him. She will never know his fears, or his troubles with Tarn.

"I am sure there is lots to do with the kids today. Sorry for taking up any time."

If Megatron knew she wanted him to open up, he might have done. He still remembers the first time he tried to explain concordia, faltering because the children were in the next room, and Harley had kept on telling him that those were his values, and not hers, which he would never have denied, but he still had to live by them, even if she didn't.

And someday, maybe sooner than either of them thinks, he might yet be able to talk with her.

But he's never asked her to answer any questions he didn't actually ask her.

"No," Megatron says, "no, you did us a favour." He takes the bag of food.

"I'm sorry that we can't really be friends, right now. But maybe we could both be more patient, not just with each other, but also with ourselves. It makes me truly sad when you say that you hate yourself. Or that you'd have no purpose if it weren't for Loki.

"I believe you can learn to control some of the things you do without sacrificing your individuality. I believe you do have a purpose, and that it isn't bound to anyone else's decisions. I don't believe that anyone can be 'enough' for anyone else, because we have to be 'enough' for ourselves, so we can love without crushing what we love. That's something else I learned from Ravage, when we broke up. I hope you and she can be friends, whether or not you and I ever really are."

Edited 2021-06-13 20:30 (UTC)

"That is the beautiful thing about my new journey and attending the Sisterhood Survivor Group... there are many things about myself that I get to discover. It will be time for me. And what comes of it... will be about what is best for me."

"I am taking time to accept myself. And not feel I have to define myself by someone else standards or expectations of what they think is best."

"That sounds like exactly what you need," Megatron says, and smiles, before checking to see where his kitten is (she's still on his helm) and starting back to the house. "Goodbye for a while, Harley."

Pet Food, cupcakes and getting to know each other

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject